You might not like me very much after this post.
I'm going to confess something today and it isn't pretty. It is a character trait that I wish wasn't connected with me.
This nastiness is comparison.
For most of my life, I have felt like I didn't measure up. I wasn't smart enough, funny enough, serious enough, clever enough, responsible enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, dressed cute enough, productive enough.
Enough, enough, enough-
such an ugly, debilitating word when looking at it from the "lack" side. Feeling this way made me afraid to put myself "out there" when I was younger, and kept me from experiences that would have been beneficial to me.
Or I did participate, but didn't enjoy the experience like I should have because I hadn't done it well enough.
Even worse, comparing myself to others as kept me from really enjoying the tasks I feel led to do and who God made me to be. Last year, I confessed my sin of comparison to one of my closest friends. I have been trying to be more aware when I fall into the trap and asking God to help me give it up.
I read Brooke Boon's post this week and was made aware once again that God isn't finished with me in this area quite yet.
I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and that is why I am bearing my soul to you.
I say enough is enough. I'm finished with it.
Psalm 139 tells us that we are
fearfully and wonderfully made
he created our inmost beings; he knit us together in our mother's wombs
he knows when we sit and when we rise
he perceives our thoughts from afar
he knows when we go out and when we lie down
and Ephesians 1 states
God lavishes us with grace
We are CHOSEN by GOD.
Sounds like SOMEBODY IMPORTANT thinks I am not so bad.
Brooke pointed out in her article that we are insulting God when we focus on what we think we ARE NOT instead of what we ARE.
I had never thought of it that way.
Trust me. I don't want to insult my Heavenly Father, or his Son, Jesus.
In all my comparing, I honestly didn't want those who had the things I lacked to have less. I just wanted to be more.
Kind of makes me want to hang my head in embarrassment now.
If through the shed blood of His Precious Son, God says I am GOOD ENOUGH for Him, shouldn't that make me GOOD ENOUGH for me?
I saw this video on another blog (don't know which one. I feel bad about that.) and it got me thinking about prisons.
These men are locked up because of decisions they made. They don't have a choice.
I am tired of being in a prison of my own making when God has given me the key to get out.
Care to join me in unlocking the shackles of comparison?
My prayer for all of us today comes straight from the pen of Paul.....
I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullnesss of God. Ephesians 3: 17b-19